seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
