YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Damn victory sex feels great
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
