I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
