i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
