I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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