I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
