I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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