OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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