I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
