Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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