giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
