Just fell off a train. Bad.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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