You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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