Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
