Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
