I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
