Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
