let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
