I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
