Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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