It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
