My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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