I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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