Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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