Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
