i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
