ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
