I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
