Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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