I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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