He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
