Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
