It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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