I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
