how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
