I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
