Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
