theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
