she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
