so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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