omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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