I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
