I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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