Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
