People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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