mondays should just be called national damage control day
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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