Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
