I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
