i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
