I'm gonna have a badass scar
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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